Posted tagged ‘oral roberts’

A huckster’s comeuppance

December 4, 2007

God told him to resign. God did.

Oh Dick.

Your staggering arrogance amazes me.

It wasn’t the alleged abuses of your flock’s funds.

It wasn’t the multiple overwhelming votes of “no confidence” from the faculty.

It wasn’t the threat of the provost (and former dean of the business school) to resign due to your fiscal ineptitude.

Hell, it didn’t even begin to address your “healing” powers received via your genetic conduit to God. (By the way, since your dad was spiritually charged to find a cure for cancer years ago, how’s that going? Guess I missed the Christmas letter).

It was God, Dick. It. Was. God.

You know, if I didn’t have family of friends associated with your institution or think that its closing would negatively impact Tulsa, I’d be on the front row cheering for the legal system to deliver the match-ending suplex you so deserve.

Archers at the ready

October 22, 2007

From the talking Christosaurus that is Oral Roberts comes the news that “the devil is not going to steal ORU.” I hear they’ve posted sniper angels atop the praying hands. Stay tuned as this is bound to get more hilarious.

A lit-uh-gus society?

October 8, 2007

Oral Roberts University & it’s president, Richard Roberts, are in trouble for allegedly using school funds to remodel their home, send their daughter & her friends on the school’s jet to the Bahamas, and to purchase over $39,000 on clothing for Mrs. Roberts along with a number of other allegations. I guess there’ll be no more Oral pleasures for the Roberts family.

(Seriously, how has The Onion not offered me a job yet?)